I cannot tell you how many times I have offered a child a plate of fresh fruit or veggies to have the mother grab it from me and say, “Oh, he won’t eat that.” What that really means is, “I have conditioned my child not to eat that.”

Yes, kids can be picky eaters, but that does not mean that we need to condition them to only eat chicken nuggets, mac and cheese and PB&Js. I have two toddlers who have a mind of their own when it comes to food like the rest of the world. But I have found several super healthy snacks and foods that my kids inhale without a struggle. Here are 5 of our favorites:

1. Sweet potatoes – one of the most nutritious foods on the planet. And kids love anything “sweet”, right? When I’m in a rush, I nuke several large sweet potatoes in the microwave for 5-8 minutes. Then I sprinkle them lightly with organic brown sugar and a tad of cinnamon. My kids always ask for seconds – and the leftovers are packed in their school lunches the next day.
2. Kale chips (I stole this from Gwenyth Paltrow’s cookbook – thank you Gwenyth!). Kale is also one of the most nutritious foods on the planet. It’s a leafy green found near the broccoli section in your grocery store. To make kale chips, wash the kale, tear the leafs off the stems in 2-3 inch chunks. Place on a cookie sheet, drizzle in olive oil and sprinkle with salt. Bake at 400 degrees for 12-15 minutes. And then you have a super healthy substitute to potato chips that can also be used on sandwiches in place of lettuce or mixed into scrambled eggs.
3. Milk shakes. Well, not the milk shakes you might be thinking of. Super healthy milk shakes look like this: Toss handfuls of any fruit into a blender (strawberries, blueberries, peaches, bananas, apples, watermelon, kiwi – anything!). Add milk and ice. Then blend. It’s that easy! In our house, when we ask the kids, “Who wants a milk shake?” we receive the unanimous shrieks, “MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
4. Cucumber salad (I stole this one from my German mother-in-law). Cucumbers by themselves are easy for kids to enjoy. If you want super delicious cucumbers follow this recipe: Cut the cucumber in very fine slices. In a bowl, mix ¼ cup tasty vinegar, ¼ cup sour cream, salt, pepper, sugar and sprinkle with dill. Mix everything together and you have a yummy cucumber salad!
5. Carrot salad (Again, I stole this from my mother-in-law!). We have all eaten carrots with ranch dipping – but it’s important to have a variation of flavors to keep your kids coming back for more. Carrot salad recipe: Shred several carrots in a food processor then squeeze the juice from half of a lemon on the carrots. In a separate bowl, mix ¼ cup tasty vinegar, ¼ cup sour cream, a dash of olive oil, salt, pepper, sugar and sprinkle with parsley. Combine all ingredients. Enjoy!

Do you have a healthy snack or food idea you know kids will love? Post it in the Comment section below. Thanks for sharing!

In my work as a therapist and parenting coach, I don’t spend much time advising parents on how to punish more effectively.  In fact, I tend to tell parents that I am not a big fan of punishment at all.  So, a parent rightfully asked me the other day: “Well then, if not punishment, what DO we do?

What a good question!  Most parents punish because they believe that’s how to get kids to behave appropriately.  (But actually research has proven that more punishments do NOT equal long-term improved behaviors, and can sometimes make things worse.)   So here are 3 things that help achieve the goal of cooperative, positive, appropriate behavior more effectively, while helping to maintain a positive and long-lasting parent-child relationship.

1. Show kids what you DO want them to do, and support them, encourage them, catch them doing it, praise them.  Give them positive options!
2. Change the child’s environment so that it supports positive behaviors.  Simple example: don’t keep the jar of cookies where your 3 year old can reach them.  More complex example: figure out how long of a playdate your kid can handle before falling apart.  Keep playdates within that time frame until you’re both ready to experiment with incremental increases.
3. Figure out what’s behind the unwanted/negative behaviors.  Behavior is a communication, I like to say… what is your child’s behavior saying to you?  Hint: it’s usually something along the lines of: “I’m tired and over stimulated” or “I can’t handle this much freedom,” or “I really need more time with you/attention from you,” or “Something’s not right with me,” or  “I am not getting enough opportunities to feel powerful and in charge of my life.”  When parents understand what the child’s behavior is communicating, they can better meet the underlying need… which generally has a positive effect on the unwanted behavior!

There are many, many more ways of shaping behavior, but these are some favorites, especially the last one.  A little understanding goes a long way.

You don’t have to spend $3000 on a trip to Disneyland to have meaningful, family fun. Here are 30 ways your family can have quality fun, every day, without busting the budget:

1. Feed the ducks
2. Build a sand castle
3. Go bicycle riding
4. Play a card game
5. Solve a puzzle
6. Go on a picnic
7. Cook dinner together
8. Serve at your local soup kitchen together
9. Kick a ball at the local park
10. Fly a kite
11. Build a model car
12. Put on a theater performance in your living room
13. Sing karaoke
14. Go on a family walk
15. Have a lemonade stand
16. Play a board game
17. Play musical instruments
18. Play “Hide and Seek”
19. Go listen to live music
20. Tell jokes. Laugh. Then laugh some more. 
21. Turn your dining room table into a ping pong table
22. Make a piece of art for a special occasion
23. Adopt a child for the holidays
24. Create your own version of “American Idol” or “Dancing with the Stars”
25. Start a garden of vegetables or flowers
26. Paint a room or piece of furniture together
27. Go to a local museum
28. Pick up a new sport: tennis, badminton, ping pong, pool, bowling…to name a few.
29. Take photos of each other and make a photo book
30. Laugh. And laugh some more.

Ah, that vision of serene family life! Bluebirds twittering, everyone smiling, the children sharing everything equally…. Not! Siblings and rivalry go together like chips and salsa: it’s hard to have one without the other. But there are some things parents can do to manage the rivalry that naturally occurs. Let’s talk about some strategies every parent can use.

But first, let’s define our terms. “Sibling rivalry” is not the same as “sibling bickering.” Driving my grandkids around last weekend, I had a front-row seat for some backseat bickering. You know what I mean: “he’s on my side”; “stop touching me”; “don’t say what I say”; “I wanted that!” This is not rivalry, folks. It’s just button-pushing and a way to relieve some boredom. You stop it by saying, “Stop that!”

Sibling rivalry is bigger and deeper. It describes feelings of competition and struggle that develop over time and become part of the family dynamic. Just as in sports rivalries, rivalry between siblings can become toxic and lead children to undermining each other’s successes, gloating over each other’s failures, and feeling anxious and defeated at least half of the time.  You don’t want that. But just as in sports leagues, friendly rivalry between siblings is natural and normal. The trick, in families and in sports, lies in keeping rivalry friendly and not letting it get out of hand.

Rivalry is natural and normal because there never is enough to go around. There always is one last cookie (who gets it?). Sometimes Mom is talking to you (which means she’s not talking to your brother). Only one kid gets to sit beside Dad at the ball game (is it your sister?). So there is competition. There is struggle. And, generally speaking, it all evens out. Sometimes it’s you who gets the goodie. Sometimes it’s your sib.

The problem comes if things don’t even out. Sibling rivalry becomes destructive when parents (or grandparents) favor one child over another. Holding up one child as a model for the others to follow: not a good idea. Admiring one child’s talent for music over another child’s talent for … well, what is that child good at? Also not a good idea. Trying to compensate one child for some problem or deficiency in his life by giving him more of what all your children want: a sure way to make that child resented by his brothers and sisters. At any one moment, things in every family are unequal. But over time (and not over a long time, but over a span of time your children can grasp), things must equal out. Things must seem equal to your kids.

So this is the key to managing sibling rivalry. Avoid playing favorites among your children (and watch out, because it’s easy to play favorites without even knowing it). Don’t let grandparents or aunts and uncles play favorites either. Downplay kids’ competitiveness and avoid stoking the fires of competition, as you do when you compare one child to another. And make certain, when your children bicker, that you don’t weigh in to take sides.

Friendly rivalry is natural and normal. Rivalry that looks like sniper warfare is not. What can you do if the snipers are already firing?

First, recognize that you created this. Children are not born hating each other. So it’s up to you to uncreate it.  Pay attention to your own feelings and actions and notice when you make comparisons or when you favor one child over another.  What do you do in managing your children that has encouraged this rivalry to develop? Are you modeling bad behavior  – in your interactions with your kids or with the kids’ other parent – that your children are simply mimicking?

Once you have figured out the source of your children’s feelings of inequality and unpleasant behavior, you’ll have to make a serious effort to change how things happen in your household. This includes changing the ways everyone in the family treats everyone else. It includes not holding grudges against each other, and not waiting for a chance to “get back” at someone. It includes saying nice things to each other, every single day.

You are the grown-up. Model what you want to see. Let your children know what you want to see in them. Tell them when they’re getting closer to that ideal.

A lot depends on the ages of the children and a host of other factors; if the rivalry seems really problematic, you might find consulting a parenting specialist is a good idea. But your children will be siblings for life. Helping them to build strong bonds with each other is a wonderful gift. Start now.

Your child is perfect. She or he is beautiful, polite, a gifted student and a marvelous athlete. Your child speaks at least one other language, plays two musical instruments, and has the lead in the school play. Or not. Your child may not have accomplished anything yet but he or she is packed with potential. Your child, you see, is perfect.

And the world, you see, is not impressed.

You may find that your child’s teachers focus on his silly mistakes or, worse, they blame your child for things other kids did. Your child’s grandparents may seem to prefer the cousins, even though those kids are not nearly so talented as your child. And most amazing of all, the parents of other children might not invite your child to trips to the zoo or to their kids’ birthday parties.

It’s lonely at the top. What can you do to get your child the recognition and acclaim you know she deserves?

You get it by letting the world discover your child in its own time. Let your child’s perfection be your little secret, your private joy. It is more generous and gracious to let other parents talk about their own children, while you smile and nod. If they ask about your child, don’t say too much. You know your child is more perfect than other children but don’t let their parents know.

This is difficult, of course. But talking too much about your child and all the wonderful things he can do just makes other parents envious. They really don’t want to hear it. They want to hear you – the parent of a perfect child – exclaim over their own children. Really, they do.

And take whatever your child’s teacher says as good information, not as criticism. Your child’s teacher has the vantage point of years of experience with groups of children. She can be your ally in polishing your child and providing him with good opportunities. So you don’t want to alienate the teacher. Work together with her. Understand that what she says is for the best and is worth considering.

And one more thing: keep your child’s perfection a secret even from him. Your child’s success in life depends on his ability to get along with other people, even people who are less talented and less accomplished. Perfect people are kind and unassuming. They are not conceited or rude.

Not only that, but perfect kids may tire of all that perfection. They may find that trying all the time to live up to being the very best is exhausting and makes them sad. They won’t want to let you down but they may not appreciate the steep path you’ve put them on. Cut your child some slack. Let your child be a child.

We all want perfect children, sometimes because we don’t feel all that perfect ourselves and sometimes just because we love our children so much and want the very best for them. All this is understandable. So understand this: every parent is the parent of a perfect child.

It’s not just you.