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Sleepover Savvy: 6 Things to Know Before You Say “Yes”

Dr. Patricia Nan Anderson


Summer is sleepover season. With no school days to work around, more evenings are free for sleepovers. And your children even may be invited away for an entire weekend. It all sounds fun and usually it is. Assuming that your child is old enough to enjoy a sleepover and not need to come home at midnight, what else should you think about before you say “yes”?

Here are some thoughts…

  1. Know the family. It seems obvious that you should know the names of the people your child will stay with and their address, but many times children don’t know this basic information about their school friends.  So know first and last names, who lives in the home and where the home is before you consider a “yes.”
  2. Know something about the family. Does this family share your values? Think here about media use, substance use, use of profanity, and use of harsh discipline. If you don’t know the family well enough to have a good idea of its values, then you really don’t know enough to let your child stay over.
  3. Know about obvious dangers. If the family owns guns, are all of them locked up? If the family owns a dog, is it completely safe? If there is a possibility the family will go swimming, go four-wheeling, or shoot off fireworks who will be in charge and how will the kids be kept safe? The way to know is to ask. Don’t be embarrassed. Ask.
  4. Know who’s in charge. Are the parents planning to go out themselves on the sleepover night and leave the children with a babysitter or older teen? Who will be there and how can you reach that person?
  5. Know how many other kids will be there. Is this a single-kid sleepover or a slumber party? If there will be a crowd of kids there, the ability of any parent to control the group is diminished and some parents give up altogether. The possibility for mayhem increases, including raids by a group of the opposite sex, drinking, dangerous stunts, and nasty gossip. Give extra thought to consenting to a slumber party, especially if your child is a teen or preteen.
  6. Know that your child knows how to reach you. Make sure your child knows you will always come to pick her up – anywhere, anytime – if she feels she needs to make an exit. Make sure your child know that if she feels uncomfortable about anything or anyone, she should trust her gut and speak up – or just get out.

One way to find out more about a family your child wants to visit overnight is to host a sleepover for that family’s child at your home first. You’ll get an idea of what the child thinks are “normal” family activities and you’ll get an idea of how attentive the child’s parents are. Just remember that no actual sleeping happens at most sleepovers.

Most families are pretty much like yours and most sleepovers go off without a hitch. The sleepovers that go wrong are unusual enough to make the evening news. But it still pays to be careful. It’s okay to say “no” if you cannot responsibly say “yes.”


© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved.

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Dr. Patricia Nan Anderson

Dr. Patricia Anderson is a nationally acclaimed educational psychologist and the author of “Parenting: A Field Guide.” Dr. Anderson is on the Early Childhood faculty at Walden University and she is a Contributing Editor for Advantage4Parents.