Watch parents with tiny children at the zoo. They hold a baby up so she can see, mom or dad points a finger and says, “Look! Look at that bear.” That’s good. Conversation is good. Pointing is helpful. But what’s more helpful is doing more than just naming.

In a study at Northwestern University reported in the journal Cognition, toddlers whose parents told what the pointed-to thing was doing understood the name of that thing better. Saying, “Look! Look at that bear walking around” helps a child know what, exactly, you’re talking about.

Your own experience with preschool children bears this out. My grandkids often say, “Look at that, Grandma!” and point out the window… but I have no idea what I’m supposed to see.  It wouldn’t help me much if they said, “Look at that blick, Grandma!” because I wouldn’t know what a “blick” is. But if they said, “Look, Grandma! Look at that blick flying in the sky” I would know what to look for and I’d know what to call it.

The amazing thing is that toddlers think exactly the same way. They use clues embedded in our conversations to figure out the meaning of a new word.  It takes longer and is harder to learn a word just from the word alone.

This is why board books that tell stories provide a richer language experience than board books that depict just a single picture on a page with a single word identifying it. A story about a ball, bouncing down the roadway and bumping into a duck,  is more interesting and develops more language than a photo of a ball, followed on a later page by a photo of a duck.

Notice that telling what the unfamiliar thing is doing is key. Just saying “Look at that bear over there” doesn’t help too much. Over where?  Which of the many things in the direction you’re pointing do you mean? Linking the new word to a verb – to what is happening – gives a baby the information he needs.

According to the study’s author Sandra Waxman, “This shows how attuned even very young infants are to the conversation around them. It also shows how well infants build upon what they do know to build their vocabulary.” It also reinforces the importance of talking a lot with babies, even though it seems that they cannot possibly understand.

Babies understand more than we think and they figure things out better than we imagine. Talk with your baby and tell him exactly what’s going on.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

It’s every parent’s nightmare: your child isn’t where you thought she was. In fact, she’s nowhere to be seen.  Even if being lost lasts for only a minute or two, you want to save yourself the anxiety and protect your child from what could happen when she’s lost.

From the moment a child is able to walk, he has places to go, things to see. His ability to keep track of where he is and how far he’s wandered doesn’t develop until much, much later. His ability to retrace his steps to get back to safety is even slower to develop – it’s something even we adults struggle with sometimes. Children often don’t even realize they’re lost. Many times, they’re just moving ahead, absorbed in whatever they’re doing.

Keeping toddlers under your eye is important. Use the seatbelt to keep your little one securely in place in a shopping cart. Hold hands or pick her up when you walk through a crowd. At the playground or children’s museum, keep your phone in your pocket so you’re not distracted. Many a parent has looked up from a phone after “just a few seconds” reviewing updates to discover the child has disappeared. It’s amazing how far away children can get when you’re not looking.

Preschoolers and older children are a bit more of a challenge. They are more independent of adult oversight as they play with each other at the park or walk along with the family on an outing. With picnics, street fairs, and water park visits coming up this summer, what can you do? You may not always keep them from getting lost but you can make it more certain they’ll be quickly found.

Here are some strategies to keep you and your kids safe.

1. A child who realizes she’s lost should stay put and yell. Once a child realizes she’s become separated from her parents, she should stop moving and make a lot of noise. Running to find you or even just continuing to walk around hunting for you is more likely to lead her further and further away. Teach her to call loudly, “MOM!”  Most of all, children should know to not go to the parking lot to find you. Your child must know you would never leave without her.
2. The lost child should enlist the help of a woman who has children with her. A mother is likely to be helpful and sympathetic… and safe. A store clerk or other employee can help, too, but the child should stay close to where they first realized they were lost. Teach your child how to speak up clearly, saying “I’ve lost my parents. Can you help me?”
3. A child should never be more than a few steps away from you. Make it clear that your child should always keep you in sight. Make certain your children know they must tell you when they want to stop to look at something.
4. Forbid playing hiding games in unfamiliar locations and unbounded spaces. Hide and seek is a great game, but what are the boundaries if you’re playing at the park? How far can a child go? How will you recover a child who hides so well that you can’t find her? At the very least, assign yourself thejob of “watcher” whose job is to know where every child is hidden.
5. Know where you’ll meet and when. If you’re at an event with older elementary children and you want to let the kids go on their own, set a time and place to reunite. The place should be something very obvious – something tall that can be seen from a distance is a good location. If your child has a cell phone, then insist he answer your texts and calls. Make sure the notification volume is loud enough to be heard in a noisy situation.
6. Make your child easily identifiable. To people not their parents, all children look alike. Before going out with your children, notice what they’re wearing today. Take a group photo before setting out at the fair.

Think ahead, you and your kids together, and have a lovely time!

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Join Dr. Anderson in an online conference for teachers and parents. Find out more at Quality Conference for Early Childhood Leaders.

What was the best part about elementary school when you were a kid? Probably, recess. So would it shock you to realize that recess for your own kids is endangered, maybe even extinct?

Twenty  minutes of recess each day is pretty much the minimum. In one major American city of 69 elementary schools, only one school, in 2010 offered its students less than 20 minutes of recess each day. Two years later, the number had grown to six schools. Now, in 2014, 11 elementary schools – more than one-sixth – offer students little or no recess at all. The number of schools affected by recess reduction in this district has doubled every  two years. Why?

It used to be that educators said they cut recess because they needed more minutes in the day to concentrate on academics. This is a lousy reason, of course, since no one can sit still and learn without a break. Think of your own need for a break in the middle of your work day! But now, not even academics is the excuse for cutting recess. A recent investigation in that major school district found that the reason why recess has been cut or reduced is because it’s too much trouble to have recess. Principals eliminate recess to eliminate the ordinary sorts of issues kids have when they play together.

In the district I’m talking about, recess at some schools is as much as an hour every day. Guess which schools get the most recess and which ones get the least? You probably already know the answer. Kids in more affluent neighborhoods – where parents know the value of recess and demand it – get the most free time. Kids in poorer neighborhoods – where parents are too busy with other issues to think about their children’s play – get the least.

Naturally, this adds to the problem rather than eliminating it, if the problem is student behavior or student achievement. Children with no opportunities to learn how to get along don’t learn how to get along better. Children with no opportunities to take a mental and physical break from their school studies pay attention less in school and learn less. Children in better neighborhoods have a more humane, child-centered school experience, do better in school, and stay in school longer. Children in less-privileged neighborhoods are handed a rigid, controlling school experience, do worse, and leave school as soon as they legally can.

What does this mean for you and your children? It means you must ask about recess.

1. If you’re choosing a new school for your kids in the fall, ask how much free time kids get during the day. Remember that 20 minutes is the minimum (and we’re talking here 20 minutes all at once, not five minutes here and five minutes there. We’re also not including the time it takes to put on jackets and get outside and the time it takes to line back up to come in.) In the best schools, where children are most successful, they get much more outdoor time.
2. Find out what happens at recess. Is recess really free time or is it all choreographed by teachers around organized games or “learning activities”? Once again, think of your own experience at work. Is your entire day scheduled – even your lunch – as a group activity? Do you have no time to even go to the bathroom on your own or take a walk during your break time? There are labor laws that regulate your own freedom during the day. Your kids deserve at least as much.
3. If your children are already settled in a school, make sure they get as much recess as possible. If they don’t, or if recess is left up to teacher discretion and not required, make some noise. Your children’s health, happiness and school success depend on this.
4. Finally, notice if recess is used at your child’s school as a hostage to good behavior. You probably remember being kept in at recess because you misbehaved or you remember the entire class being kept in because too many kids misbehaved. Recess is a right, not a bargaining chip. If your child’s teacher withholds recess because he cannot otherwise manage his students, there’s something wrong with the teacher, not with the kids.

Do you want your children to stay in school, do well in school, and be happy? Getting a couple breaks during the day, getting out in the sunshine, and running around with friends is what your kids need.

If they’re not getting that, stand up for them and make sure that they do.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Join Dr. Anderson in an online conference for teachers and parents. Find out more at Quality Conference for Early Childhood Leaders.

We all know that getting children outside is good for their bodies. Children who play outdoors every day get more exercise, are more coordinated, and are more physically fit than children who don’t.

Now a new study supports the idea that being outside is good for children’s psychological health too. Researchers at Michigan State University found that children who spend five to 10 hours outdoors each week – about the familiar target of 60 minutes per day – feel more peaceful, happier, and even more spiritually connected to nature than other children do.

In the study, 10 children ages 7 and 8 and their parents participated in interviews, observations, and review of children’s drawings and writing. Seven of the families indicated a Christian religious affiliation. Researchers found a strong relationship between time spent outdoors and feelings of connection with nature, feelings of awe at the power and beauty of nature, and feelings of appreciation for natural order.

In other words, getting children outdoors supports their spirituality and belief in the work of a higher power. To families for whom children’s spiritual growth is important, this study provides a clear direction: let children play outside.

According to researcher Gretal Van Wieren, . “We were surprised by the results. Before we did the study, we asked, ‘Is it just a myth that children have this deep connection with nature?’ But we found it to be true in pretty profound ways.”

However, parents for whom spirituality is not so important should take notice as well. As Van Wieren said, “Modern life has created a distance between humans and nature that now we’re realizing isn’t good in a whole host of ways. So it’s a scary question: How will this affect our children and how are we going to respond?” How can we preserve the earth if children don’t appreciate it?

Support your children’s appreciation of nature and sense of wonder by doing these few things:

1. Make certain your kids spend an hour outdoors every single day. Remember that just walking or bicycling to school is helpful. Recess and sports count too.
2. Make certain children’s outdoor time isn’t always organized but that at least some time each week is unstructured time. Time in the backyard is part of this, as well as casual trips to the park or playground. Outdoor play without an agenda is what let’s children notice their surroundings.
3. Don’t let the weather stop you. Every day means every day, not every day it’s sunny and not too cold or too hot. Weather always looks worse from inside the house. Get out and get into it.
4. Plan family outings into the wild instead of into the mall. Take a hike, go rowing in the park, find a mountain to climb or a stream to cross. Your town or county park district has lots of great nearby locations. Nature is all around your family.
5. Turn off your phone and keep it in your pocket. You need an hour away from whomever is trying to reach you.

Notice that getting outdoors doesn’t require any equipment, no knowledge whatsoever, and no planning besides remembering the sunscreen and a bottle of water. If it seems like a big deal, that’s just because we’re so unused to being outside. Stay local, keep your eyes and ears open, and do this every day.

Mother Nature and your children’s inner health will thank you.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Join Dr. Anderson in an online conference for teachers and parents. Find out more at Quality Conference for Early Childhood Leaders.

In a new article slated for publication in October and titled, “”If it’s Useful and You Know it, Do You Eat?” the answer preschoolers came up with is a resounding “NO!” Knowing a food is “good for you” made children less inclined to eat it rather than more convinced they should.

Two hundred and seventy preschoolers were read stories in which a girl chose foods to eat as a snack. Some of the children heard a story in which the girl was interested in a food because she knew it was good for her. Some of the children heard a story in which the girl was interested in a food because she knew it was tasty. And some of the children heard a story in which no reason at all was given for the girl’s choice of snack.

The result? Children who heard the story in which no reason was given or the reason of tastiness was given were more likely to eat the food featured in the story than children who heard the story in which the food was said to be good for them. Children rejected “good-for-you” food in favor of just plain good food. According to researchers Ayelet Fishbach and Michal Mairmaran, telling children a food will help them grow big and strong or make them smarter actually decreases their interest in eating that food.

Fishbach said, “The preschoolers seem to think that food can’t serve two purposes, that it can’t be something that makes them healthier and something that is delicious to eat at the same time. So telling them that the carrots will make them grow tall (or make them smarter) actually makes them not want to eat the carrots. If you want them to eat the carrots, you should just give the kids the carrots and either mention that they are tasty or just say nothing.”

In this era of food-as-medicine, where everything from yogurt to broccoli is “prescribed” not because they are delicious but because they have some specific biological effect, giving up on the usefulness of food to supply specific nutrients is a bit of a switch. Notice that I’m not suggesting that children be allowed to eat whatever and only what they want, including junk food. That’s not what’s being said at all. Instead, this research simply says to avoid trying to persuade a child to eat something because of some nutritional requirement. Instead, say nothing at all.

We are so used to telling children to eat something because it’s good for them, that not doing that will be a stretch for many parents.  We’ve got to keep in mind that “cleaning your plate” is not a virtue in itself and that children, just like grownups, eat foods they like more than they eat foods they must.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Join Dr. Anderson in an online conference for teachers and parents. Find out more at Quality Conference for Early Childhood Leaders.

One of the three rules Dr. Kristopher Kaliebe suggests to overcome childhood obesity caught my attention.

In an article published in April in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Dr. Kaliebe presented his three “simple rules.” The first two were not much of a surprise: Rule One: Eat Food – Not Too Much and Mostly Plants – that is, natural, unprocessed fruits, vegetables and grains, and Rule Two: Get Up and Move. Certainly eating nutritious food and exercising daily are tactics just about everyone knows are essential in helping kids towards a healthy weight.

The third rule, though, surprised me.  Dr. Kaliebe’s Rule Three is Honor Silence.

What? “Honor Silence”?  What does he mean and why?

According to Dr. Kaliebe, “The pediatric obesity crisis arose from systemic changes in society and multiple dynamic interacting risk factors. It has been paralleled by increased mental health problems that seem interrelated.” Which is to say that children’s obesity is often accompanied by high levels of anxiety and stress, poor sleep, and disruptive behavior. By slowing down the pace of children’s lives and reducing the everyday sensory assault most of us are under, children’s health and their weight will normalize.

By honoring silence, we take control of the beeping, buzzing, flashing insistence of machines and replace it with quiet. What would your child’s life be like if it were quieter? For one thing, says Dr. Kaliebe, your child’s life might be lighter in weight.

We are so used to lights and noise that we scarcely notice how surrounded we are with technological interruptions. Silence seems spooky. Maybe it’s time to bring silence back.

Many people are observing “Screen Free Week” this week. I’m not asking that you or your children give up all your screens for even a day. But I am asking you do that for an hour. An hour every day. An hour every day for more than just a week.

1. Find a time every day when all screens and noisy toys are off. This could be the last hour before children go to bed, since it’s been demonstrated that the light from screens interferes with the sleep hormone melatonin.
2. Once you find a time, turn things off. The television, the computer, your phone, your e-reader and tablet, the radio, your music, Tickle Me Elmo and all other noisy toys. Notice how many things interfere with the peacefulness of the evening! Turn them all off.
3. Help children find things to do. Read or look at books with the children. Work puzzles. Play board games. Take a walk. Garden. Draw. Putter around the house. Watch the stars come out. Listen to the birds as they sing themselves to sleep. Just sit and talk with each other. Kids may have trouble at first keeping occupied without the usual noisy entertainments. You may have trouble. Work at this together.
4. Soak up the silence. Our lives are filled with busy-ness. In the quiet notice your own stress levels going down.

Overweight and obesity are symptoms of life’s problems as much as they are problems in themselves. By reducing the stress in life, we may improve children’s health and happiness and make many of the problems that beset us fade away.

Try it. Try being calmly quiet together for a little while every day.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Join Dr. Anderson in an online conference for teachers and parents. Find out more at Quality Conference for Early Childhood Leaders

There’s quite a bit in the news lately about football head injuries and the long term damage professional players have sustained. Recently some pros have even said publicly that they don’t want their sons to play the game.

So if your boy plays football, you’re probably aware of the danger of head injury. But what you might not know, especially if your child doesn’t play contact sports, is that a kid doesn’t have to play football for head injury to be a problem. Parents of children of all ages and both sexes should be aware of the warning signs of concussion and take head injury seriously.

Many head injuries, in fact, happen in ordinary play. My older son knocked his noggin in high school gym class when he roller-bladed out the field house door and down a set of concrete steps. Luckily he got by without lasting difficulty but he also got quick emergency room care. He has also continued to be lucky in avoiding another head injury despite a long athletic career. My son’s game is not a contact sport but even so one of his teammates was forced to retire because numerous on-field concussions were starting to add up.

My son’s experiences point out the two keys of head injury: quick response counts and the effects of head injury are cumulative.

If your child hits her head hard and loses consciousness, even briefly, get her checked. If she seems disoriented or unable to remember what just happened a minute ago (if she keeps asking the same questions over and over, for instance), get her checked. If she experiences headaches, vomiting, dizziness, or sudden sleepiness, get her checked out. Stop what you’re doing and get immediate medical care. Head injury should send you and your child to the ER.

A minor concussion may have no lasting effects. But a more serious concussion can cause bleeding and swelling in the brain. Because the brain is confined inside the inflexible skull, bleeding and swelling cause more problems in the head than bleeding and swelling in any ankle or any other part of the body. Permanent brain injury and death are possible outcomes of a serious concussion. And even a minor concussion calls for resting the brain for several days, even weeks, after. This means no school and no reading, and as little thinking as possible.

In addition, keep track of the number of hits your child’s head takes. That fall from a window at age two, that car accident at age six, that tumble off a bike at age 10… these all add up. What we’ve learned from professional football is that a series of minor concussions can accrue so events that by themselves were not serious add up over time to critical impairments.

Finally, notice that a kid doesn’t need to ride motocross or skate freestyle to crack his skull. In fact, in these sports, helmets are part of the equipment and while no helmet can protect against concussion completely they certainly can help. Just keep in mind that any fall, especially a fall onto a hard surface, by a child at any age can cause problems.

You can’t protect your child from every danger and you certainly don’t want to lock your child in a closet all summer. But be aware. Don’t downplay a head injury but get it checked out.

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved.

Parties and celebrations have food as a central focus. School parties, birthday parties, end-of year celebrations, holiday festivities and sporting event gatherings are just a few of the regular party events that children face.  Many parents are frustrated with the number of food-focused events their children have to tackle, especially if healthy eating is a priority, or weight is an issue.

“I can’t decide what to eat…I want it all!” 

“There are so many desserts and they all look good…” 

“All my favorite foods seem to be at parties.”  

These are real sentiments from real children.

True, it seems that parties and celebrations are loaded with temptations and often offer all the “fun” foods that may be regulated or infrequently found at home. While you or your child may feel that attending a party is a lost cause, there are some strategies that can be useful at the party scene.

Here are some approaches to think about before you get on the party eating circuit:

Survey the foodscape.  Check it all out (the food that is) without eating anything.  Look at all of it, make mental notes of what you’d like to eat, what looks interesting, and what is an absolute no-go.

Select the most important and special dessert (or junk food item) –the one you cannot leave without eating!  Being good or selecting the “healthier option” may leave you feeling deprived and unsatisfied.

First Course: Fruits and Veggies.  Fill your plate with fruits and veggies first (and eat them).  You will have started to quell the hunger pains, and contributed to the overall health of your day.

Don’t be a cow! Cow’s are notorious for grazing, eating all day long.  Individuals tend to lose track of how much they have eaten when they graze, and the same goes for drinking calorie-rich beverages.  Rather, be a dog: make your plate (or bowl!), eat it, and move on!

Limit your sodas.  The calorie and sugar content of sodas and other sugar-sweetened beverages are significant and can add up, especially when children are having a good time (and not paying attention to how much they are drinking).  Remember, all sweets are treats and count as “fun foods,” even the ones you drink.

Eat like a Spaniard on a little plate, with a little portion.  Savor the flavor of little bites of different foods, rather than a large portion of one food.

These strategies may help your child be more thoughtful in their food choices, and make good decisions at parties. It also gives them strategies to use when faced with tough decisions, like which “fun foods” and how much?

You wouldn’t give your child an unlimited budget for a shopping spree!  Take the same approach with party food. Teach your child how to manage “fun foods,” especially at parties, for a lifetime of smart eating.

We’ve talked before here about the dangers of promoting a trait orientation in children. A trait orientation or trait mindset is a problem when children believe they naturally are unable to learn something and so quit trying. The child who says, “I’m no good at math,” or “I’m just clumsy, or “I’m hyper” has adopted an excuse for his low grades, his poor showing in soccer, or his lack of self-control. If he’s “just not good at” something, there’s no point in trying.

A trait orientation is obviously a barrier to learning. It causes a child to give up too soon, assuming he tries at all. Teachers and parents should do everything they can to avoid encouraging a trait orientation in children. It doesn’t make sense to hand a child an excuse for not even bothering to try to do well.

But… what if we encourage a trait mindset for positive qualities? Can the problems a trait mindset creates actually support good character? Researchers Joan E. Grusec and Erica Redler found the answer is “yes.”

In an interesting experiment conducted many years ago, Grusec and Redler praised 7- and 8-year-old children for either generous behavior or for having a generous character. They set up a game in which children could win marbles and then could “donate” some to “poor children.” They then told half of the children, “It was good that you gave some of your marbles to those poor children. Yes, that was a nice and helpful thing to do.” This praise focused on the action the children took. The other half of the group were told, “I guess you’re the kind of person who likes to help others whenever you can. Yes, you are a very nice and helpful person.” This praise focused on a trait the children demonstrated; it was about who the children were, as people, not what they did.

A few weeks later, the same children were given other opportunities to share. The children who were praised for who they were, as people, were more likely to share and share more than the children who were praised for what they did.

The notion that attaching a positive label to children encourages positive behavior has been confirmed recently in a study by Christopher Bryan.  Bryan found that asking children “to be a helper” was much more likely – by 22% to 29% – than asking them simply to help. He also found that telling children not to cheat was less effective in preventing cheating that telling them, “Don’t be a cheater.” In fact, “Don’t be a cheater” cut cheating in half. Bryan puts it this way: nouns are more effective than verbs.

We know this is true. This is exactly why we’ve tried so hard to avoid telling a child she’s a poor speller, or messy, or disorganized. We know how powerful these negative labels can be. But most of us – myself included – haven’t realized the same power can attach to positive labels.

So helping your child become more generous, more thoughtful, more compassionate, and more grateful, a simple first step is to tell your child he is these things. Not just as random statements, of course, but in response to something your child does that can be praised.

Instead of praising the action, try praising your child’s character. See if she responds by showcasing her good character even more.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s new book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.