Every family needs a few simple ideas for a good time that cost no money and require no equipment or even skill. Here are five all-ages ideas to use through the summer.

Treasure Hide and Seek. Use any object that’s handy and easy to spot to use as the “treasure” in a game of hide and seek. While the seekers hide their eyes and count to 30, the hider finds a good place to hide the treasure. Then everyone looks for it. Whoever finds the treasure is the new hider. Everyone enjoys this game and preschoolers can play too. Play outdoors or inside.

Scavenger Hunt. Draw up a list of things to look for at the park or on a hike, then look for them. Simple enough. Make the hunt more interesting and challenging by first generating a list of about 100 possible items (a feather, a soda can, a red leaf, a caterpillar, an empty chip bag, whatever…). Cut apart the list and put all the slips of paper into a jar. Draw out 20 slips and use those as the list for your hike. Or, each person can draw out her own set of 7 to 10 slips. This game is different every time.

Star Gazing. City kids hardly ever see the stars, so if you go camping this summer or find yourself out in the country at night, look up. But you can go star gazing any evening, even in town. Take a blanket or two to the park on a warm, clear night. Since it will be late, you can even bring the kids in their pajamas. Lie down on one blanket (use the other to cover the kids if they get cold) and see what you can see. Bring along some snacks and just chill out together.

Progressive Story-telling. This works well in the car, on the bus or airplane, or even standing in a long line somewhere. Start a story – just make up anything – but only talk for a few sentences. Then pass the story on to the next person, who takes the story on from there. Start with an agreed-number of turns (no more than 3 per person) before the story comes to an end. But then, of course, someone can start another story and around you go!

Left-Right-Straight Hike. You and the kids want to get out of the house and just take a walk in the neighborhood. But that seems so boring. Here’s a way to make it more interesting: take turns saying “left,” “right” or “straight” at the end of every block. You might find yourself going past houses and businesses you never saw before when you’ve stuck to your “regular route.”

Having fun is free and takes only a little imagination and a willingness to play along with the kids. Make sure the car is packed with a tennis ball or two, a Frisbee, and an empty ziptop bag or paper cup with lid (for catching or saving interesting things). Add in a sheet or blanket to sit on and a couple BandAids and you’ll always be ready for family fun!

When I was younger, drinking soda was a treat.  Only allowed when at parties or when out for dinner. And no refills.  The standard soda was a 12- ounce can, or a 10-ounce paper cup from the fast food joint.  I remember the summer between my junior and senior in high school when my best friend introduced me to diet soda (Tab). We were soaking up the sun, poolside.

While we are no longer in the “olden days’, there is some virtue and value to the limits around soda that were commonplace to the everyday diet so many years ago.  Flash forward to the new millennium and see how soda is advertised and accepted as a primary drink for children.  You can find soda in baby bottles, sippy cups, lunch boxes, school vending machines, and stocked in many home refrigerators.  And while soda marketers try even harder to maintain sodas in schools, enlarge the portion sizes, and tempt consumption with child-targeted advertising campaigns, the anti-obesity movement scorns soda and its effects on the weight and health of children.

The sugar in soda

For every teaspoon of sugar eaten (or consumed) you get about 16 calories. That doesn’t seem like a big deal until you realize how many teaspoons are in a 12 ounce can of regular soda: ~150 calories and 9 teaspoons of sugar.  That’s 150 empty calories. Calories without nutrients like protein, vitamins, or minerals.   Over time, drinking a can of regular soda each day can be a significant source of extra calories and a contributor to excess weight gain.

Here’s a look at some commonly available soda sizes:

20-ounce soda:  250 calories:  17 tsp. sugar (approximately 1/3 cup of sugar)

24-ounce soda:  300 calories:  20 tsp. sugar (1/3 c. sugar)

40-ounce soda (Big Gulp):  ~500 calories:  34 tsp. sugar (about 3/4 cup sugar)

Imagine taking your sugar bowl out of the cabinet and swallowing a cup of sugar!  Would you let your child do that? No, most parents would grab the sugar bowl, put it away, and scold their child for doing something so ludicrous.  Yet, allowing children to consume regular soda, without limits, is not dissimilar.

What about diet sodas?

Diet sodas use artificial sweeteners to mimic the taste of the regular soda product, without the calories.  While use of diet soda can be helpful in the process of reducing regular soda consumption and decreasing calorie intake, routine use of diet soda is not advised for children.

Diet soda contains caffeine (sometimes in higher amounts that regular soda), also, something that is discouraged among children.

How much soda is too much?

If your child is drinking more than 3-4 cans of soda per week, it is time to cut back. Here are some tips to help you change your approach:

• Change your perspective:  Sodas are a treat and are meant for occasional use. Try a “special occasion rule” to strike the balance.
• Don’t purchase sodas and bring them into your home (remember, you are the gatekeeper who makes the decisions about what gets purchased, served, and stocked in your home).
• For the serious soda consumer, start with a switch to diet soda and wean down to 1 can per day.  Aim to reduce your child’s soda drinking to 3-4 cans/week.  Eventually, use soda (diet or regular) on an occasional basis.
• Use alternatives to soda:  Try water!  Serve iced water, or flavor water with a splash of juice or a squeeze of lemon.  Healthy options such as milk or 100% juice (in recommended amounts) can enhance your child’s overall nutrient intake and be a satisfying drink.

Eliminating or seriously reducing the amount of soda your child is drinking can have a major impact on their health and body weight.  Remember, a child can experience a 10# weight gain in a year, just from the extra calories that a daily can of soda provides.

How much soda is your children and family are consuming?  Have you found some healthy alternatives to soda?

When your baby was born, you might have thought that the only adjustment to your lives would come in making a home for your new little one. You never guessed that you’d suddenly have to cope with your own parents and your in-laws. How can you manage all the advice and downright interference the older generation dishes out without hurting people’s feelings and causing more trouble?

Whether your child is nearly as tall as you are or is just a tiny baby – or even if you’re still pregnant – there are steps you can take to set some ground rules and ensure peace and harmony between you and the grandparents.

1. Assume the best of intentions. Grandparents want the best for your child and they want you to be happy too. Even though their methods may be clumsy and sometimes offensive, remember that the grandparents mean well. You want these people to enjoy being around your child and you want to have pleasant birthdays, holidays and family outings (and if you don’t want that, see #5 below). Be prepared to be pleasant and try to meet the older folks halfway.
2. Present a united front.You and your child’s other parent have to be on the same page about both sets of grandparents. Naturally, you may find it easier to accept your own parents than to accept your in-laws: you’ve had a lifetime to get used to the quirks of your own mom and dad. But now is the time to solidify your marital team, not revert to feeling like your parents’ child again. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your child’s other parent and create a game plan together for managing the grandparents.
3. Be your own court of last resort. Certainly you might ask the grandparents for advice now and then. And you might get an earful of unsolicited advice fairly frequently. But make it clear that you and your child’s other parent will make all the final child-rearing decisions yourselves. You appreciate outside input, you take that into consideration, but the responsibility for raising your child falls to you. This means that you must be ready to smile and say, “Thanks. I’ll think about that,” instead of arguing your position as if you were still a teenager. You do not have to convince your parents or your in-laws of anything. You have to listen politely and then make up your own mind.
4. Take nothing for granted.Your parents raised you and they don’t get to raise your child. But the same is true about babysitting, gift-giving, and bankrolling a college fund: your child is your responsibility, not your parents’. You cannot assume that Grammie and Gramps will pony up with free trips to the zoo and other goodies. They can spend their time and money as they see fit. So ask nicely if you want a favor and remember to say “thank you” afterwards.
5. If you want to limit contact, be up-front about it. Your child’s well-being is your top priority, not making your mother happy. So if Mom’s new husband creeps you out or has a rap sheet that keeps you up at night, you’re well within your rights – and meeting your responsibilities – to limit contact between Mom’s man and your children. If you had a rocky childhood yourself and don’t trust your parents, by all means keep your own kids away. Just don’t make excuses. Make a clear statement of your position, grown-up to grown-up, and then stick to it.

Having children pushes each of us to finally be completely mature. We are transformed into adults in the eyes of our children, certainly. But just as importantly, we are transformed into adults in the eyes of our own parents and even in our own eyes. We are on a level with the older generation, no longer less than they but equal.

The harmony our extended families enjoy comes from this equality among the adults. Your job is to grow up and make that happen.

Cuddling a baby is one of life’s great pleasures. But new research suggests that cuddling, nursing, and stroking an infant may actually affect brain development at the exact moment it’s happening.  A parent’s care may directly shape early neural activity and contribute to brain growth.

The study that has neurologists paying attention this week didn’t involve human babies. It involved newborn rats and their mothers. To be able to view brain activity in the moment, scientists at New York University’s Langone Medical Center inserted wireless transmitters into the brains of one rat pup per litter. They then videotaped activity in the nest, as the mother rats cared for all the pups in their litters. By synchronizing the video with the recorded brainwave activity, scientists were able to see what actions by the mothers affected pups’ brains in what ways.

There were significant differences in brain activity when the pups were left alone in the nest, when the pups were nursing, and when the mothers were grooming them. All of these actions by the mother are normal and necessary and all of the brain reactions of the pups were expected. What was unexpected was the as-it-happened quality of the brain responses. These were not things that happened later. Baby rats’ brains were changed immediately.

Lead researcher Regina Sullivan said, “Our research shows how in mammals the mother’s sensory stimulation helps sculpt and mold the infant’s growing brain and helps define the role played by ‘nurturing’ in healthy brain development, and offers overall greater insight into what constitutes good mothering.”

Good mothering is what everyone wants to deliver. Even though this study was conducted with rats – for obvious ethical reasons, such a study couldn’t be done in the same way with human babies – the point for we human parents is that careful nurturing and the time it takes to provide careful nurturing is an essential for development. It’s required by our biology. Mother Nature expects mothers to nurture.

What does this mean for new parents?

1. Cherish the time you have with your baby. Even though baby care may be repetitive, messy, stressful, and even boring, being connected to your child and fully engaged in care is a good thing. It translates into optimal development.
2. Strive to remain calm and unhurried when you care for your newborn. Mother rats are not thinking of six things at once. They think only of one thing – their infants. Never treat your baby roughly, never prop a bottle for feeding, and never leave a child to cry. No babies were meant to be treated that way.
3. Spend as much time as you can with your baby for at least the first four months. This may mean taking an extended maternity leave or working from home. In the study, the baby rats’ brains became less instantly sensitive to their mothers at the time of weaning onto solid foods. Give your own child the same uninterrupted time, if you can do it.
4. If you must choose an alternative caregiver for your child’s early months, choose wisely. Find a caregiver who takes seriously the needs of an infant and who is not distracted by other babies or children. The brain development that happens through everyday care is development that isn’t easily added in later.

Your baby only has one brain and now we can suspect that even everyday parenting has an impact on that brain. Do your best every day to nurture your child.
 

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

Your high school senior might be doing some soul-searching right now, wondering if going to college in the fall is what he or she really wants to do. You might be getting some pressure to permit (or even bankroll) some sort of break. Let’s think about this, with the understanding that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to this dilemma. If your child is wants to delay college – for a year or permanently – here are some questions to consider.

1. Does your child have a plan? Maybe your child wants to travel across country or volunteer or start a business. Does your child have a plan for how this will happen (where she will go and how she will get there, which organization she wants to help, what market her business will reach)? The more well-thought the plan the more reasonable it is to endorse it. If your child’s ideas of what to do instead of college are vague and poorly-formed, then the structure a year of college provides might still be a good idea.
2. Is your child running away from something? Escape for escape’s sake is not a positive foundation for the future. So if your child rejects college because he just doesn’t want to do what his friends are doing or because his girlfriend ditched him or because he can’t make up his mind about a major, then not-going is a way of avoiding things instead of a way of embracing something. Ask him to come up with a plan that’s so exciting he wants to run towards it, not just a plan for running away.
3. Does your child know what happens next once the plan is in place? If “what happens next” is “I win American Idol and land a six-figure recording contract and go on a twenty-city tour” then a dose of reality (and not a dose of reality TV) is in order. Continue the conversation with “yes, and… if that doesn’t work out what next?” Having a back-up plan and a realistic appraisal of Plan A’s chances keeps both of you from chasing after moonbeams again in another six months.
4. Where does your child see herself in five years? If she goes to college, in five years she will have her degree and probably be situated in a job that pays the rent. If she doesn’t go to college, but instead gets a job right out of high school, will that job pay enough to support an apartment and a car and a cat? If she doesn’t go to college but instead gets married right out of high school, will she (and her husband) someday feel trapped by her lack of work experience and lack of college degree? Most young people envision themselves living large in five years or less. Will the path your child has chosen lead to that?
5. Is your child running away from you? If you have made going to college such a personal expectation – maybe even choosing the college your child will attend or dictating his major – then rejecting college altogether may be the only way your child can assert his independence. If you think this might be happening, now is the time to back off. Make it clear that you don’t care what college your child might attend and that you’ll support whatever major he selects. See if his attitude towards college improves.

College is not perfect for everyone and not every successful person went to college. But many eighteen-year-olds need a few more years of structure before they’re ready to stand on their own. Talk with your child and help him to honestly evaluate his options. Make clear how much or how little you can support him financially if he goes to college or if launches a different trajectory.

Support your child emotionally no matter what.

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson.  All rights reserved.

Face it. Most children love fast food and fast food companies cater specifically to children. Happy Meals, Playland, Ronald McDonald, and that cute, freckle-faced Wendy, they all say “kids are welcome here!”

At the same time, fast food meals are often very high in fat, salt and sugar and low in nutritional value. Even when nutritional information is posted, parents do not change what they order for their children. We all know the nutritional issues with fast food, but we buy our kids what they want to eat, not what is good for them.

This isn’t a problem if fast food is just an occasional meal – once a month or so. A treat of burger and fries or hot dog and a milkshake is just that – a lovely treat. But a new California study finds that for many children, a fast food dinner is not unusual event. It’s an every week ritual.

In fact, 60% of all children between ages of 2 and 5 were found in this study to eat a fast food meal at least once a week. Twenty-nine percent ate at a fast food restaurant twice in any given week and 10% ate more than twice. These numbers are the same as what was found in studies conducted in five or six years ago. The study’s lead author, Susan Holtby, said “A weekly happy meal is an unhappy solution, especially for toddlers.”

In addition, although this study found that children are drinking fewer sugar-sweetened drinks than they used to do, children who eat two or three fast food meals are much more likely than other kids to drink soda. Says Holtby, “Fast food combined with drinking soda at such a young age can set these kids up for obesity-related health problems.”

Although fast food has sometimes been labeled the food of choice of poorer parents, this study found that middle class parents were much more likely to say they don’t have a lot of influence over what their children eat and to use that as an excuse for feeding their children fast food meals. This finding leads to the first suggestion of what to do about this:

1. Be the parent. Limit fast food meals to treat status and make certain small children, in particular, do not eat at fast food restaurants on a weekly basis. You do indeed have influence over what your children eat.
2. When you do permit your child to eat fast food, choose wisely. Select the apple slices option over French fries and order plain milk over flavored milk or soda. Limit how much you order for your child and don’t order dessert.
3. Balance fast food with really good nutrition. Make certain that your child’s “usual” meals are heavy on fruits, vegetables, and lean protein. Don’t serve soda or flavored milk at home.
4. Never use fast food as a reward. Whatever we use as rewards is instantly elevated into something more worthy than the alternative. If you must use rewards with your child, use something like reading a book together or playing a game.

Many of us grew up on fast food and we love it as much as our children do. Part of improving children’s nutrition might include improving our own. Eat well. Be healthier and smarter.

But most of all, fuel your children with the right stuff.

© 2013, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s new book, Developmentally Appropriate Parenting, at your favorite bookstore.

If you’re like most parents, you’re frustrated because your child just sits there while you clear the dishes, feed the dog, straighten up the family room, and make the beds. No matter how old or young your children are, they seem to feel entitled to a life of leisure while you do all the work. Why is this? What are you doing wrong? And, more importantly, how can you fix this situation?

How can you get your kids to pitch in and help?

Let’s start with the children themselves. The first big problem is that kids don’t see what needs to be done. Kids just don’t notice that things are messy or that you need a hand opening the door or that the baby is fussing because he can’t reach a toy. Children are naturally self-absorbed. If what we want is for children to see their opportunity to help without be asked, then we’ve got to train them in what to look for.

Second, helpfulness is a learned skill. Becoming aware of others’ needs and being helpful doesn’t just happen. Children need to be taught how to be helpful. But we often don’t do this. It takes time to teach someone how to make a bed and we don’t have any extra time. It’s messy to let our kids feed the dog or gather up the trash. It’s quicker and neater to just do it ourselves. But when we do it all, our kids don’t learn how to do things on their own.

And, third, we make excuses for our children. We think they’re too young. We think they need more free time. We think they should do their homework instead. When we make excuses, we send the message that housework is reserved only for people (us) who have nothing better to do. Or we send the message that our children are incompetent and cannot do housework well enough to suit us. Neither of these messages is true and neither enhances children’s development of responsibility.

Part of being an adult is being able to manage one’s own affairs, make decisions, and anticipate the needs of others. When children are allowed to do chores and are taught how to do them well, they learn important skills. They feel good about themselves. If your kids hate doing chores and can’t see when they could be helpful, then you’ve made doing chores and being helpful a negative experience. It’s time to turn that around.

Ask nicely. Say what you want your child to do, when you want her to do it, and make it a request, not an order. Say, “Before you watch any TV, can you please take the recycling out to the bin?” Make sure you have her attention before you start. Make sure you get a “yes” or even a “yeah, sure” when you finish. If you don’t, get her attention and ask her again.

Don’t micromanage. Making a bed isn’t all that difficult to do and, really, so long as it’s done, it doesn’t matter how well it’s done. So when you ask your child to make his bed, avoid giving him detailed instructions on how to do it. Just ask him to make the bed. If you think he makes the bed badly and if this matters today – maybe your mother is coming to visit – then say, “Grandma is coming over so try to make your bed really neatly this time, okay?” Make sure you get a “yes” or a “yeah, sure” and you’re done.

Say “thank you.” Look your child in the eye, smile warmly and just say it. Say “thanks for feeding the cat.” This is not the time to add, “but next time don’t leave a trail of cat food between the bag and his dish.” Don’t criticize, just say “thanks.” Tomorrow, ask your child to feed the cat and suggest that she try not to drop kibble on the floor or that she pick it up if she does. Another day, another attempt. Today, just be grateful it was done at all.

Children will do just about anything for your sincere thanks. Children love being helpful and important and they want you to be happy. So make helping out a happy experience. Give them the skills and tools for doing a task, ask them to do one, and then thank them when they’re done. This isn’t all that difficult. You can do this.

Remember that the main reason for kids to do chores is not so much the chores themselves, those it’s nice to have some of those done. The main reason is to teach children responsibility and initiative and to learn some task-related skills. What you are doing here is developing attitudes and character. It’s worth the time it takes you.

Make helping out a habit at your house. Make it a friendly, cooperative thing, not a controlling, ordering-people-around thing. Let your kids contribute and be recognized for it. They’ll be eager to do more.

© 2015, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Look for free downloads on Dr. Anderson’s website at www.patricianananderson.com.

Insider tips on how to ace the SAT and ACT

Parents should use the correct names for all the parts of the body!  Here are 6 reasons why:

1.  Parents automatically teach children the names for many body parts such as ears, nose, or hands. Your child’s private parts really are just body parts!  It’s good for your child to know the names of all the major body parts.
2. Thinking about a nickname instead?  Consider this first: we don’t use nicknames for our elbows/knees/feet, doing so for their genitals gives kids the message that there is something wrong or dirty or bad about those body parts.  We don’t want to—and it’s not healthy to—give kids discomfort about parts of their body.
3. It’s awful to think about, but if someone was ever sexually inappropriate with your child, she really, really needs to be able to clearly describe what happened.
4. Has your child picked up a slang word somewhere?  First, make sure he knows what that word actually means, and then remind him that in your home, you use the proper word.
5. Worried that they will yell it out at the grocery store?  They might do that, kids often do.  One thing that can help is reminding your child that talking about bodies is something that you do at home, in private.
6. I’ve saved the most important reason for last: A parent who can talk normally about body parts is a parent who is creating the kind of relationship where their child will feel comfortable coming to them with questions or for help and support.  This is definitely what you want as a parent.  Sure, it may feel a little uncomfortable at first, but it is so much healthier than leaving your child to get their sex ed from the internet or from the 16 year old down the street.

So the next time you’re changing your daughter’s diaper, tell her what you are doing using the correct words… maybe even practice saying it a few times until you can do it without giggling.  :^)  You can do it!

For a reminder of what, exactly, the correct words really are, plus 4 examples of how a parent might use them in a sentence, please click here: