Most experts agree that it is a human necessity to have friends. I would argue that while it is not necessary for survival, it is necessary in order to be a healthy and stable individual. There are many benefits to friendships, and skills that we learn from having friends that cannot be learned any other way. Many of these benefits and skills are what help determine the shape our adult relationships, careers and families.

Early childhood friendships are crucial to healthy social development. Children learn the concepts of sharing, waiting their turn, problem solving, and reap joy from having playmates. A great deal of mirroring occurs in early social interactions as well, and this is an important tool in building empathy and understanding of the needs of others. Parents, make sure your children start playing with other children from a very early age.

As a therapist, I deal with many teens and adults that have not had enough friendship interactions since childhood. The result is that they grow up lacking empathy and understanding of others. They are unable to reciprocate under the social norms, and are only capable of associating with other people very similar to themselves. This, of course, can be problematic in many different areas of life.

When you go off to college, you will likely live in a dorm with a roommate. If you’ve never had friends and sleepovers and never been annoyed by spending too much time together, I can almost guarantee you will not survive a dorm. Many kids who have never had friends and never become socialized will choose to live alone in order to avoid the difficulties of sharing space. This only further isolates them and prevents them from making new friends. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Your ability to have a meaningful adult relationship rests upon the assumption that you have friends and learned all of these skills mentioned above. Friends also give us a sense that we are loved and appreciated and belong, which is crucial for a strong self-esteem. It is much healthier going into adulthood with a strong sense of self, self-esteem, and feeling loved, than to be searching for that in a relationship.

Time and time again, I see people fall into a pattern. Those who never really had friends don’t feel that good about themselves. They seek another to fill the void inside. They latch on and become “needy”. But then when a real relationship begins to emerge, one where you must reveal of yourself and allow in true intimacy and connection, you just don’t know how to do it. Usually, when it gets to this point, you get scared and run. And if you don’t, you often expect your partner to meet ALL of your needs, since you have nobody else in your life. Nobody can fill that role.

As adults, we need friends as a lifeline. Friends will be your support system, your cheer squad, and your family. Friends will help you keep going when you don’t think you can, help you pick up the pieces when you are broken, and hold your hand while you grieve. They will give you advice and lend a helping hand, so that you are not alone in the world. They will listen when need an ear. You will have more together than you ever could have alone.

But it’s not enough just to have friends. You also have to be a friend. What does it really mean to be a good friend? Here are some tips for how to be a good friend:

1. Be there. No matter what. Do not walk away, even when things are difficult. Even if that means backing away to give someone space when they’re going through something rough, make sure you’re there when they need you.
2. Be kind, generous, and understanding. Try to see if you can imagine what your friend is actually feeling. Learn to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s called empathy.
3. Do not judge. Be supportive instead. In hard times, ask your friend what she needs from you, and then give exactly what is needed.
4. Have fun. Friendship is a gift. Spend time having fun with friends as often as possible.
5. Be honest, loyal and trustworthy.

As you can see, the traits of a good friend are also the traits of a good partner. These are qualities that are sought for in romantic relationships. We learn so much from having friends throughout life and benefit from having such people in our lives. Friends teach us how to be better individuals, which allows us to have better and more meaningful relationships in life.

If you’re like most parents, you will state with no equivocation that you don’t play favorites. Only terrible parents would ever allow themselves to have a favorite child, right? I’ve also heard my fair share of parents tell me privately that they do have a kinda-favorite child though they are careful to clarify that they would never admit that to their children. While that’s a perfectly good argument, it’s comes with a problem which I’ll get to in a moment.

Parents do want compliance.

I don’t have a favorite child between my two children, but I will be honest and admit that I do appreciate a child who listens to me and respects what I say. So, I will tell my children openly that I will get along with any child who doesn’t fight me or challenge me on the simplest little things. In most families where there are multiple children, there is usually at least one who is easier in a given stage, and there is at least one who is more argumentative or willful.

Favorite child vs. the “easier” child

Parents should never apologize for appreciating a child when the child accepts the care and direction from the parent without much of a hassle. This isn’t the same as saying that the more compliant child is your favorite child; instead, you can say that every kid goes through different stages and that you appreciate any kid when they are respectful and cooperative with you. As your kids become teenagers, you can share your feelings and this can help them learn an important lesson. Say, “Parenting, overall, is amazing but it can be really hard and frustrating when your child goes through a stage where they want to argue about or challenge you on everything.” Go further by saying, “It’s a parent’s job to make sure the child meets all kinds of expectations in school, with hygiene, and so forth. One of the things you, as my child, should ask yourself is whether you show appreciation for the things I do for you.” Prompting your child in this way forces them to think about the other person in the situation – you – when kids have the tendency to focus almost entirely on themselves. Train them to be respectful and to show appreciation for you.

How to make each child feel like a favorite child

One of the best practices parents can engage in with their children is to plan individual time with each child. I remember from my own childhood occasions when my mother would take just me out for lunch on my birthday, and I felt like the most important kid in the world. Parents can practice one-on-time most easily on the weekends. For example, setting up a schedule where, say, every other weekend one parent takes one child and the other parent takes the other child for an activity gives each kid the chance for one-on-one time with the parent. That’s all kids really want: to feel like they are the only one, even though they know they usually have to share the attention with other siblings.

During bedtime chats, tell each child what impresses you about them.

Kids crave praise as much as grownups do, but they crave it even more because they are still developing their sense of self and self-esteem. Bedtime is a great time for an intimate chat with your child. Use that time sometimes to point out something they did that day that was impressive or helpful, and tell them that you see certain strengths in them. For example, say, “When we were working on that project in the yard this morning, I noticed how hard you were working and how careful you were being. I am so lucky to have you as my [insert son or daughter].” Another example: “I have to tell you that you are one of the funniest people I know, and you always make me laugh.” These comments sound simple enough but they make a child feel noticed and unique, and this practice builds strong and lasting self-esteem. Bottom line: It’s a good goal to set, making every child feel like a favorite child.

Baby talk refers to the following frustrating set of behaviors: talking in babyish, intentionally slurred speech; speaking in a quiet under their breath so that you can’t make out what they’re saying; whining about the silliest things; and looking down or holding their chin down as they talk so they avoid direct eye contact. This behavior should cease by the time a child gets to kindergarten, but some children continue to try the baby-talk approach well into elementary school. Simply put, this behavior should be unacceptable and parents must deal with the problem immediately and consistently. If not, the behavior will get reinforced and they may possibly continue to act like a regressed toddler for years to come.

Why do older kids use baby talk?

Older kids use baby talk for one of two reasons: they believe it will get them what they want, or they want to annoy you so that you feel the same thing they feel. When your child tries to annoy you, it’s not vindictive. The logic goes like this: I’m annoyed and not getting what I want, so I am going to annoy my parent so they don’t get what they want, either. In these moments, the child sees you as the one with power who could give them what they want but chooses to withhold it.

How the parent’s frustration fuels the fire

If you hate the baby talk as much as other parents, you must be careful to not show your upset feelings to your child. In other words, if your child sees that it upsets you, they will keep doing it. Kids use baby talk as a last resort. Once they realize that they are not going to get what they want, they feel like they have nothing to lose by making the parent upset, too. In fact, making you upset makes them feel a little more powerful in a moment when they don’t feel they have any power at all. (Remember, most of these episodes will start because the child was told “no.”)  It’s fine to be annoyed with your child for this annoying, manipulative behavior, but remember that showing your frustration will make your child feel that they’ve succeeded in upsetting you, and they will keep doing it because kids – any of us, really – like feeling powerful.

What parents should do to stop the behavior in its tracks

The second that your child makes a baby talk statement or starts whining like a toddler, label the problem out loud immediately. “Okay, I notice you are using baby talk and whining.” Take an immediate break from the interaction or you will likely get sucked into a conflict and end up getting upset, thereby reinforcing the annoying behavior. After you have labeled the behavior and called attention to it, say, “I don’t pay attention when you use baby talk. Let’s come back together in a few minutes and try again.” Go distract yourself with a tiny task and take some deep breaths while you’re at it. A few minutes later, recite the following: “I do want to hear what you are upset about, but the only thing I ask is that you say it in a grownup voice, not a baby voice. Now, what were you upset about?”

This approach is very simple: label it, take a break for a few minutes, and then give your child a final chance to tell you why they’re upset in a grownup voice. If you truly want to get rid of the baby talk behavior altogether, use this same approach and script every single time it happens. The key to changing behavior is to respond consistently to it. If you stick to the script and you handle the problem the same way every single time, you will quickly see that the behavior gets extinguished. Most of all, always try to detect when your child is trying to enlist you in a power struggle, and avoid getting sucked into the struggle!

Do your kids argue All The Time?  Do you feel like you are a referee?  While sibling squabbles can be normal, there are definitely things that parents can do to make them happen less frequently, empower the kids to resolve them, and help siblings grow into having great relationships with each other.

1. Teach your kids how to play together.  Your older child especially will benefit from your instruction on how to play with the younger.  For example, “Hold this blanket over your face and then drop it down quickly and say Peekaboo and smile.”The baby will love that and will giggle!”  When you find yourself repeating a list of “Don’t,” try to switch over to a happy encouragement of “Do.”  In addition to being more effective, it’s being more enjoyable for everybody, too.
2. Teach both kids to notice, understand, and respect other’s non-verbal signals.  A simple one is to watch the other person’s smile—big smile: things are probably going well.  No smile?  Maybe take a break.  Another example: a 1 year old, who when she gets too worked up, will grab her sister’s hair—ouch!  Teach the big sister to recognize the signs of an over-stimulated baby so she can take a break and save her hair.
3. Pay attention to the messages that your children are getting from TV, books, and friends.  The bulk of kids’ media portray siblings as annoying, or bothersome, or mean, or worse.  It is rare to see loving sibling relationships—but kids need to see this way of relating to their sibling if they are going to actually do it, and they need your help identifying and rejecting the negative images of sibling relationships.

So point out crummy behavior when you see it on TV or in books… talk about your family values on how brothers and sisters treat each other… show your kids how to play with each other well and how to understand other’s signals, and most importantly: give your kids some extra love and support when they are loving to each other.  These things will really help!

It’s hard to get children to eat right. Numerous studies recently have pointed to food patterns established in early childhood as the beginning of eating habits, good and bad, that extend for years into the future. So the logical question to ask is, “What are the very youngest eaters eating?”

Researchers in Australia set out to do just that. They asked parents to recall everything their young toddlers (ages 12 to 16 months) consumed in the past 24 hours. Go ahead. Do that yourself right now. What did your child eat from the moment he or she woke up yesterday to the moment he or she woke up this morning?

Over 550 parents took part in the study. They reported that children ate the most of dairy foods and cereals. A quarter of the children were breastfed during the time period and another 32% of children drank formula. Although the study didn’t identify cereals specifically, typical American toddlers often eat dry breakfast cereal as finger foods, cooked cereals as spoon foods, and various teething biscuits and crackers.

Most children ate at least some fruits and vegetables (87% and 77%) but half the children ate just tiny amounts of meat or meat alternatives. The more formula toddlers consumed, the less diverse were their diets overall. A whopping 91% of children ate “discretionary items” – that is, snacks, sweets, and other low-nutrient foods.

What about your own child? How much did your child eat that was dairy, cereal, fruits, vegetables, and high quality protein like meat? How much did your child eat that was “discretionary”? How diverse is your own child’s diet?

Although certainly year-old children are just beginning on their dietary adventure and still rely on breast milk or formula for a substantial part of their nutrition, what is offered to children and what they eat tends to be pretty limited.  To avoid future eating disorders and to promote the best growth now, here are some ideas to consider.

1. Offer a variety of nutrient-dense foods, like bits of fruit and vegetable, cubes of cheese, tender or pureed meats and fish. What you serve the rest of the family is ideal as the basis of your toddler’s diet so long as you give him some of all of what is served, not just the starchy foods.
2. Limit less-nutritious foods like crackers and biscuits. Don’t be fooled by nutritious-sounding foods like fruit juice, fruit-flavored yogurt, and kiddie meals of all sorts. Become a reader of labels and choose foods that are low in sugars and fat and list only a few ingredients.
3. Avoid completely nutrition-free foods like candy, cookies, chips, soda, non-carbonated drinks and drink mixes, Jello, and desserts. If you can’t avoid feeding these to your child (but why?), limit your child to less than one serving per day of this entire class of edibles.
4. Make water your child’s snack beverage. If it’s not time to drink milk, then plain water should be his thirst-quencher. Not watered down juice or water with any sort of additives. Just water.

Remember that children will not starve themselves. There is no need to feed poor food to a toddler simply because “that’s all she likes.” And there is every reason to start now to accustom your child to a diverse diet of healthy foods.

Good nutrition starts early. Don’t miss your chance to get your child off to a healthy start.
 

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

We all know that talking or texting while driving is a bad thing to do. We know that teens are especially likely to use their phones while behind the wheel. But who are they talking to? You!

A study of 400 teens, aged 15 to 18 from 31 states, reported that more than half of their calls – 53% – were from their mother or father. According to Noelle LaVoie, lead researcher, “Teens said parents expect to be able to reach them, that parents get mad if they don’t answer their phone and they have to tell parents where they are.” Teens also said their parents use their phones while driving and don’t seem to think that calling or texting while driving is a big deal.

Of course, it is a big deal. In 2011 cell phone use was blamed in nearly one-quarter of all fatal crashes involving teen drivers. Cell phones are responsible for an even greater number of non-fatal accidents, accidents that can put your teen in the hospital, raise your insurance rates, or damage your car. Yet a 2013 survey found that 86% of high school juniors and seniors routinely use their cell phones while driving.

You are part of this problem. Here’s what you must do, starting right now.

1. If you know your child is driving, don’t call her. Just don’t. Wait until you can imagine she’s safely arrived at her destination.
2. Nothing you have to say is so important as keeping your kid’s eyes on the road. You can afford to let your child get back to you when it’s safe to do so.
3. Make it clear to your child that you do not want her to answer your call or text if she’s driving. In fact, make it clear that she should never answer anyone’s call or text while on the road. Don’t crab at your kid or penalize her for not answering you immediately.
4. Set a good example. Quit talking on the phone or texting while you drive and stop answering the phone when you’re on the road. If you believe an incoming call is vital, pull over and stop the car.

The notion that a brain can do two things at once has been demonstrated to be false. Instead, brains do one thing at a time, switching attention between competing needs. Teens are not any better at multitasking than adults are. They have not somehow trained their brains to attend to more than one thing at once.

Similarly, the notion that driving is so automatic that there’s lots of brain bandwidth left over for phone use is not true. Certainly while you drive, your brain has time to think of things you should be doing and people you need to talk with. But your brain doesn’t have capacity to actually do those things or launch those conversations. Get where you’re going, then do what you need to do.

Parents have been demonstrated to be a huge part of the problem of teens’ distracted driving. Now it’s time for parents to be a huge part of the solution.
 

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

Feeling powerless in the face of the digital landscape of your home? Think you need to don your police uniform? The technological tsunami has most parents afraid and holding their children in lock down. But anger and resistance from a parent who has brought digital access in the home is illogical to the child. Actually simple logic will help.

Fighting over screen time is symptomatic of underlying issues just like any other inappropriate behavior. It signals a problem or miscommunication in the relationship. If you are seen as a controlling parent, and you alone determine the limits on screentime, your children will naturally try to grab every minute they can regardless of how angry you get. As with everything else, if you have a respectful, trusting, open, relationship with your kids, you will be able to agree on schedules. It comes down to relationship. A good relationship also means that your children enjoy spending time with you as well as technology.

When any new device enters your home, accompany it with it’s own set of rules and instructions like anything else you want your children to respect. This is your opportunity for problem-solving and negotiation among family members. Too often families don’t make the effort but instead direct children what not to do after the unwanted behavior happens. When withdrawal of screen/phone privileges becomes the consequence, any hope of coming to agreement is lost. Cooperation does not happen when children fear that what they want most will be taken from them.

Screens are potentially damaging to our children’s brains if not limited. So take the responsibility that is yours and keep young children away from screens altogether, model responsible use yourself, and when devices are introduced, negotiate limits with your child right from the start.

Don’t let screens intimidate you. You are still the parent. It is up to you to provide the environments you want for your children, to model the people you want them to become, to introduce nature and beauty, to stop your busy lives and go out to explore what’s off the grid. It is unrealistic to expect your child to turn off these highly entertaining devices completely, especially when you stay tied to your own devices.

There is not one way to set limits on screen time as it depends on your kids. You can allow a responsible, engaged child more leeway to self-monitor than one who finds his only solace on a screen.

Discuss the how, when, and where conditions around a new phone, device or game. It’s more difficult once problems arise but basically the same:

1. Schedule a time to make decisions. Not on the fly. Scheduling time highlights the importance.
2. If you have absolutes, state them right away, own them as yours. “It is important to me that there is no screen time when there is outstanding homework or chores. Does anyone have any problem with that?”
3. Discuss time. “What do you think is a reasonable amount of time for…?” State what you think and negotiate until you agree.
4. Discuss when and what days. Begin with open discussion, “What makes sense to you?”
5. Discuss gray areas: weekday use, mornings, weekends, etc. If your child is being resistant or bored by this, try, “Here’s what I think should happen. Do you agree? Remember we are staying on this until we agree. This is not about me telling you what to do.”
6. Discuss what’s off limits, i.e. restaurants, short car rides, the dinner table.
7. Write down all agreements. It may or may not be necessary to all sign a contract.
8. Post the agreements until there are no longer questions/your child can self-regulate.
9. Reevaluate after a one-week experiment to access how the agreements are working.
10. Expect reminders and allow a few minutes leeway for agreed on times.

If resistance is high, avoid fighting and wait for the reevaluation. Explain then that you have noticed the agreed on time limit was too hard for your child to follow and a new agreement seems necessary. Keep reevaluating until it works.

So many children, especially ones who feel incompetent in school, have finally found success online. When parents criticize that success and threaten to take it away, the cyberworld looks like a far happier place to be. When the home and school environment meets children’s needs, the internet becomes merely an adjunct entertainment.

New parents are under a lot of pressure to get things right. There is advice everywhere you turn and, worse, a new understanding of the importance of the early years in shaping children’s future lives. It’s understandable to fear that at any moment a parent could miss a key step in the complex process of raising a child and set the child up for failure without ever intending to.

It’s time to calm things down. Yes, we know more today about infant and preschool development and we understand better how the developmental pieces fit together. But children themselves haven’t changed one whit. Babies are still the same as babies have always been, since you were young, since your parents were young, since even George Washington was young. Babies are the same as ever and knowing more about how they grow doesn’t mean we need to worry more about that growth.

But perfection is still the goal of many new parents. A recent study of Midwestern parents of newborns found tremendous pressure to be a super mom or a super dad. Researcher Carrie Wendel-Hummell found that the stress of new parenthood is felt equally by mothers and fathers.  Both parents are liable to feel anxiety, depression, and stress, even though post-partum depression is traditionally thought of as a maternal issue. And, while worry about finances and employment surface in the period before and after a new baby arrives, parents cite the pressure to be perfect in their parenting as an overriding stressor.

Wendel-Hummell said, “Middle-class mothers often try to do everything to balance work and home life, and fathers are increasingly attempting to do the same. This pressure can exacerbate mental health conditions. If everything is not perfect, they feel like failures.”

Another look at the same problem was published this month in Nature, when seven scientists warned against blaming parents – mothers, particularly – for prenatal conditions that might lead to post-natal effects for the baby. It’s easy to find studies that blame mothers’ diet during pregnancy, exposure to second-hand smoke, and even stress reactions after a traumatic event as somehow the mothers’ fault. The unspoken assumption in news reports that present these studies is that mothers (and sometimes fathers) are irresponsible and selfish and don’t know how to control themselves to create a better life for their children. This is simply unfair.

Not only are parents and expectant parents human beings too, with all the foibles everyone else has, but information available to parents is not all that conclusive. It’s possible to find prenatal recommendations that oppose each other. It’s possible to be told one thing by one’s mother-in-law and something completely different by one’s mother, or best friend, or pediatrician. To blame parents for their children’s disabilities and issues is to assume that it was all that easy to tell what to do at all. It isn’t.

So what’s the solution? Here are some tips:

1. Believe in yourself. Everyone wants to be a great parent; it’s more likely than not that you’re, if not great, then at least good enough. Good enough is good enough.
2. When the worry and stress of your new parenting role seem overwhelming, get help. Realizing you need some support doesn’t expose you to criticism  – just the opposite: it demonstrates your commitment and care.
3. Support your child’s other parent. You’re in this together, so work together to get adjusted to your new responsibilities. Be careful to not criticize each other or ignore your partner’s need for help.
4. Don’t look back. Every parent makes mistakes and everyone can look back and see points where he or she should have done things differently. But what’s in the past can’t be fixed, so look ahead. Your family has a beautiful future ahead and that’s what counts.

Being a new parent is sufficiently difficult already without feeling that you have to be perfect all the time. You don’t. Being a new parent is sufficiently worrisome that you don’t need to add in worrying whether how you’ve eaten or exercised for years was all wrong and will cause your baby irreparable harm. It won’t.

There is no way to be a perfect parent, so don’t even try. Be good enough. You undoubtedly are good enough already!

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

“My child doesn’t listen to me,” is one of the most frequent complaints I hear from frustrated parents. Of course he does—when you say something he likes.

The reason kids don’t pay attention is that they don’t like what they hear.

Most children anticipate either being blamed, threatened or told what they have to do that they don’t want to do. They become programmed to be parent deaf. Imagine if you recorded the dialogue between you and your child in any given day. What would you hear?

“Come on, hurry up. What are you doing?”

“How many times have I told you…?”

“Would you please leave him alone.”

“It’s time to turn off [whatever the screen of choice].”

“Get to bed.”

“You have to eat….”

“You can’t eat….”

“Stop it. Don’t do that.”

“You have to do your homework.”

“If you don’t…, you’re not going to get to…”

And this is kind.

Because they are told what to do all day long, they feel powerless so don’t pay attention—unless they are too afraid not to. This doesn’t mean letting children do what they want. But how do you like being told what to do?

The key is to give your child some power and put her in the driver’s seat, engage her in the process, problem solve so that she knows she won’t lose. And don’t punish or threaten so she doesn’t have to figure out how to avoid getting in trouble. Children pay attention when there is something in it for them. Never underestimate the power of normal, developmental egocentrism.

Here are 5 ways to encourage listening and cooperation:

1. Put your directions in the positive. “Feet belong on the floor.” “See if you can make the baby smile.” “I don’t listen to words I don’t like. Take a breath and try again with words that you mean.”
2. Give choices. “Do you want to get in the car seat by yourself or do you want me to put you in?” or “Do you want to crawl in like a lion or fly in like a bird?”

“You don’t have a choice about going to the doctor but you do have a choice about how you feel about being there. You can be really angry and hate it or you can decide that this is your body and no one can take care of it better than you and part of that is having a doctor check you over. What will you decide?”

“I want the toys picked up and I need your help. Do you want to pick up the red ones or the green ones? I’ll pick up the other colors.”

3. Change threats to motivation. “As soon as you get out of the tub, we can read books. What one shall we start with tonight?”

“When the dishes are done, I will take you to your friends.”

“After your homework is done, then you can play a video game.”

“I would like your room cleaned sometime this week. If you do that for me, I will help you with….”

4. Make your child the authority. Don’t direct. “What do you wish you could say to him if you could say anything without reprimand?” Then, “What do you think you could say when you see him next?”

“What do you want to get out of this school year? What grades would you like? This education is for you, it’s not for your parents or your teachers. It’s about what you want. Imagine overhearing your teacher in the hallway telling someone else about you. What would you like to hear her say?”

“I know you’ll be able to figure out how to make that happen.”

5. Problem solve. “You don’t want to clean up the floor and I don’t want to either. What do you think we should do about it?” (True answer from a 3 yr. old, “I know, I’ll call in the dog and he can lick it up and I’ll clean up the rest with a paper towel.”

“I’m having a problem with how much of your time is spent on the computer. I know you love playing games. If you were the parent and I were you, how much time do you think I should have? Why?”

Of course there are times when we have to tell our children what to do and give a firm “no”, but when children know they are important, heard, and their agendas are taken into consideration, like anyone else, they will rise to challenges, be cooperative, and join in when things have to get done. When we respect our children and treat them like intelligent human beings who have ideas of their own, it’s amazing how much easier parenting can be.

Isn’t our job to empower our children so they can grow into their teen years and adulthood feeling strong, capable, and making good decisions. They must start that apprenticeship early on so it comes naturally when they are faced with tough situations. If children aren’t allowed to say “no” to us when they are little, how can we expect them to say “no” to a peer when temptation becomes great. If we tell them what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, they don’t learn and then we get frustrated when they don’t take responsibility for themselves.