Parenting Coach Katie Malinski LCSW coaches the parents of two toddlers on what research shows about discipline and punishment, what works effectively…and what should be avoided.

If you spank your child you might be convinced that you’re doing it “right.” You might think that spanking is good for a child and not only stops bad behavior but leads to improved behavior over time. A new study confirms that you would be wrong on both counts.

Thirty-three parents who said they spank agreed to be recorded over four to six evenings. Most of the parents were the children’s mothers, and were married, well-educated, white, and worked outside the home. Their children were, on average, a bit younger than four. The recordings captured 41 instances of corporal punishment (spanking, slapping, shoving, shaking, pinching, and so on) that happened mostly while the parent prepared dinner or was bathing the child before bed.

The scientists, led by psychologist George Holden from Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, found that these parents spanked in three ways that are especially troubling: they spanked in anger, they spanked quickly instead of as a last resort, and they spanked for minor misbehaviors, not in response to serious problems or dangerous behavior. In addition, parents hit their children repeatedly, instead of giving a single swat.

As you know by now, I do not believe spanking is effective but I understand that many parents do spank. So, if you hit, I invite you to observe your own spanking behavior.

• Quick to hit? In the study, parents spanked quickly, within half a minute of noticing a problem behavior. If they tried first to redirect children, restate rules, or even send a child into timeout, they didn’t try very long. Often they hit first.
• Hit for what? In the study parents hit their children for silly things like sucking fingers, eating improperly, and getting out of a chair during dinner. In 90% of the hitting incidents, the trigger behavior was unimportant, even just normal child stuff.
• In the mood to hit? Recordings revealed that parents were angry before they hit their children. Their children didn’t make them angry; mothers were angry already. Most parents spanked on impulse and emotionally, instead of thoughtfully.
• Hit how often? Parents in the study hit repeatedly. One mother hit her child 11 times in a row. Another parent spanked a baby only seven months old. Although previous studies (based on parents’ own estimates) determined that parents hit two-year-olds about 18 times a year, this study using actual real-time recordings found that parents hit two-year-olds at a rate of 18 times a week.
• Hit with what result? Many parents say they spank because it’s the only way to get through to their children. But it didn’t work that way for parents in this study. The recordings reveal that children who were spanked misbehaved again in just 10 minutes.

If you spank, slap, or hit your children, take a long, hard look at that. How effective is corporal punishment, really, in making your life more serene and happy? How better behaved for how long are your children as a result of being hit? How much better do you feel about yourself as a result of being a parent who hits?

Corporal punishment has been associated in other studies with everything from low school success, obesity, bullying behavior and delinquency. If spanking isn’t effective at home anyway, is it worth the risk of derailing your child’s future? I think not.

Please, think before you hit.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Join Dr. Anderson in an online conference for teachers and parents. Find out more at Quality Conference for Early Childhood Leaders.

Have you ever spanked your child? You know: hit, slapped, shoved, shaken, or spanked a child on the bottom? Lots of parents have, even if they won’t admit it. And those who do admit it think that spanking is no big deal. They claim it’s effective. Is it?

Well, certainly spanking has the effect of stopping whatever is going on pretty quickly. It directs a child’s attention away from whatever she’s been doing back to you. So it’s effective in that way. But does spanking effectively develop a child’s ability to know right from wrong and to get along better as a person? All the research says “No.”

Spanking ranges on a continuum, of, course, from the very occasional swat all the way up to daily beatings. Obviously, daily beatings are bad. But that occasional swat isn’t good either. A long-term, large scale study reported in the medical journal Pediatrics found that children who were spanked the most at age three had the most behavior problems at age five. The lead researcher reported, “The odds of a child being more aggressive at age 5 increased by 50% if he had been spanked more than twice in the month before the study began.” More than twice in a month: three times. That’s occasional. And that has a strong negative effect. And the study accounted for the children’s natural differences in temperament. “It’s not just that children who are more aggressive are more likely to be spanked,” the lead researcher said.

Spanking doesn’t teach good behavior. It doesn’t teach kids what they should do. Spanking teaches bad behavior. It teaches that when you don’t like what you see or aren’t getting what you want, the adult thing to do is to hit. That’s what Mom and Dad do.

How often do you spank your child? For many parents, it’s just about every day. A couple times a week. Why?

Parents spank because spanking is quick. It requires no thinking, no conversation, no teaching. One doesn’t actually have to do any of the hard work of being a parent when one spanks.

What parents don’t realize is that spanking is bad for their children and it’s bad for them. Spanking raises your blood pressure, heightens adrenaline levels, and increases your stress. Notice how you feel after you administer a spanking: notice your heart rate, your own level of upset. Violence takes its toll. (And if hitting your child makes you feel good, then you have serious psychological issues.)

Many parents defend spanking by saying, “He was asking for it.” Not even big children want you to hit them. But older children may like to provoke you to the point of violence. When older kids do that, it has the effect of reducing your power. They know that when you hit, you are acting like a child yourself. You have destroyed your own authority. When you spank your child, he can ignore you because you don’t deserve his respect.

If you are a spanker, it won’t be easy to stop. You will need to try to get through each day, one at a time, without hitting your child. It helps to have an alternative strategy in mind. There are many good books and sites on positive discipline. Seek these out.

But stop the spanking. Even a little bit is way too much.

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved.