Every child loves a birthday celebration. But did you know that birthdays mean different things to kids at different ages? And what a birthday means to your child might affect how you celebrate it.

A fascinating study of about 100 children ages 3 to 9 found that children are differently able to understand the importance of birthdays. Younger children believe that a birthday celebration is necessary for a person to age. If the celebration is skipped, the child believes he remains the same age as before, even though the anniversary of his birth has passed. And if a birthday celebration is repeated, the child may believe he ages a year at each celebration, so he can progress from age 3 to age 4 to age 5 in the span of a few days.

In addition, younger children believe that, in order for a birthday celebration to be “official” and to count in moving the child ahead, age-wise, it must contain all the elements the child has come to associate with birthday parties. This is why, if you have a piñata or a bouncy house one year, your child might insist on repeating those elements the next year.

Younger children believe that a person can grow younger, physically, by naming for herself a younger age. The whole package of growing up, growing older, and assigning a number to an age is mixed up in young children’s minds. By the time children reach the age of 8 or 9, they have sorted everything out. They understand that age progresses even if a birthday celebration is skipped or is somehow untraditional.

What’s the birthday take-away? Especially if your child is younger than 7 or 8, keep in mind these guidelines:

1. Children are likely to be upset if their birthday party doesn’t include what they believe a “real” birthday party should include. This means that you should be careful about what is included in a young child’s party, since you’ll likely be expected to include it again in future years. It also means that you tamper with the birthday party formula at your peril!
2. Take children’s beliefs about aging and birthdays seriously. Avoid making jokes about your child’s age since a child will take jokes at face value and believe them. Wait for your child to grow into middle childhood to play around with the meaning of birthdays.
3. Realize that young children don’t yet understand the whole idea of aging and growing into a different state of maturity. The whole idea of transforming into an adult seems not only impossible but frightening to a young child. Keep birthdays childlike and avoid making them the reason for new responsibilities.

Most of all, don’t skip your child’s birthday! To a young child, a skipped birthday is the same as not growing up at all.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

Creativity is something not ordinarily taught in school. Schools tend to focus on getting the right answer, doing well on a test, and achieving decent grades. But creative people rule the universe. If you want your child to reach success in life, you want her to be creative.

Think for a moment of the most influential people you know. All of the people on a Time Magazine list of the 100 most influential people in history got there because they created something. Poets, scientists, philosophers, artists. The list is packed with creative people. Not one person on the list made it because they did well in school – in fact, many of these people did extraordinarily poorly in school! If your child is going to make her mark, she is going to have to be creative. And she won’t learn how from her ordinary teachers.

Creativity is something for parents to encourage. It’s something that happens at home or in a child’s free time. What can you do to encourage your child to be creative? Here are some tips:

1. Keep play open-ended. Most of the time, play should be unstructured, so that there’s no one right or wrong way to do things. Even the rules of games can be tweaked if your creative child thinks of a new way to make them fun.

 2. Buy things that can be played with in more than one way. Certainly there’s a place on the shelf for puzzles and such. But if you have a choice between a toy that does nothing on its own and a toy that does everything while your child just watches or pushes buttons, choose the toy that does nothing.

 3. Avoid making judgments. Did you know that even praise can stifle creativity if a child feels her work has to be “good enough” for you? Instead of telling a child how good her accomplishment is, tell her what, specifically, you like about it or ask her a question about how she made the decisions she made. Instead of saying, “Wow, that’s a great drawing!” say “I really like the colors you chose!” or “Tell me about this part right here…”

4. Permit multiple answers. Remember that creative people see things differently. If you get an answer that surprises you, ask about it instead of just saying, “That’s wrong!” Your child says that two plus three equals six? Say “Tell me more about that.”

5. Encourage curiosity. Being curious is the path to innovation. Don’t stifle it! If you are worried about your child’s curiosity getting him into trouble, teach good judgment along with a sense of discovery. Model how to be careful and curious at the same time.

 6. Make time for doing nothing at all. New ideas come when the mind is at ease. Make certain your child has some time every day just to think, chill out, putter around, and even to be bored. Being overscheduled is the enemy of ideas.

 7. Be creative yourself. Make being curious, being interested, and trying new things part of what you and your family do. A little eccentricity is good for you! Remember what you used to like to do when you were younger or what you plan to do “when you have time”? Do some of that right now!

Creativity is essential to an interesting life. In the long run, it’s more important than having the right answer to all the questions. Help your child nurture her creative side and see what blossoms!

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved.